Saturday, July 21, 2007

Your Work Is Done, My Darling

Darling, your dear friend Jennifer Khoo told me something last Friday and she mentioned it was something you believed in too. She said, “Cheah, when souls decide return to earth, they would also have decided the time they would return to the celestial world. Anytime that the soul departs earth is a perfect time.”

Aye darling, I tend to agree with that too. Your sudden demise is difficult for me to reconcile; your earthly hopes, my hopes for you, and indeed our hopes as husband and wife have evaporated with your passing. You were a wonderful grandmother to Yi Wen’s Michelle and would also have been for Krystyn’s and JJ’s children. Indeed Darling, you would have been in your element as a mother-in-law! Though this will no longer come to pass, yet Darling, even the skies cried tears of joy as we sent you off on your journey home. For to have spent a short 48 years on earth, you have not only lived your life by your standards, you have also set standards! I can only believe your work here is done.

We were always concerned for the children when this day came, whether it was I or you who went first; we feared we could never prepare them well enough. You prepared each for today in your own special way. Darling, you taught them about life by teaching them about death. You taught them about going home. You taught them about how you wanted your farewell and therein lay the greatest lesson on life! Such was your wisdom. You never feared death but you did not welcome it; for you cherished life! You fought hard to live! By celebrating your life and not grieve for your demise meant that life was about living.

Darling, the children honored you by being stoic and delivering your every request to the T. The white, cheerful and bright theme, the white lilies, your chosen music, your mantras, the abundance of candles, the white casket, your chosen dress, your photos, the jasmine and sandalwood incense, your friends, your natural make-up, your perfume, your teddy, the teamwork, JJ’s eulogy, the responsibility; the ambience!

Darling, you taught them while you nurtured and protected them in ways that only you could. They in turn have learnt the essence of what life is about. Your loving ways and the tender moments you shared while you guided them ensure that you will live on forever in their hearts. The only beacon they need as they navigate through life’s pitfalls would be to remember what you would think. The training wheels are off my Darling and your work with our children is done.

My Darling, you meant so many things to so many different people. You were, mother, friend, sister, confidante, mentor, Master, student, healer, and many, many more. You had so many different circles of friends and you personified this diversity by the many different names you were known as to different circles. There was Jeannie, Jade, Jade Phoenix, Phoenix, Lady Jade, Soul-Voice, Auntie Jeannie, Tai Kar Chair, Part Phor, COBRA Mummy, Mummy Cheah, Leong-Leong, Tigress, and many more that I have forgotten. But Darling, there is one thing common to all and that is the lasting impression you have left in each and everyone. Darling, your work with friends is done.

My Darling, so many things remind me of you but I see you most clearly in our children. Your passing did not make me a single parent for they continue to be guided by your presence in their hearts. You have made it easy for me and I merely need to continue in my role as their father. Yes, my Love, my work is yet undone.

Your Dar

Friday, July 20, 2007

COBRA Mummy, Jeannie Cheah - A Remembrance: By COBRA Club

The Tri-Nations/Bledisloe Cup decider between the All Blacks and the Wallabies will be played in Auckland on the 21st of July, 2007. The game starts at around 3.30 pm Malaysian time and by the grace of the "powers that be", it will be possible to watch the match live at the COBRA Club.

Jeannie was a diehard COBRA/All Blacks fan.

In respect and in celebration of Jeannie's life and for her "love of the game", the club has sought permission to show a video of Jeannie's life in photo clips, at 1.30 pm, before the game telecast. The family is honored and gratified by this request. We have scores of photos that chronicle Jeannie's fun times with COBRA and will include many of them in the updated video.

A Prayer For Jeannie

From: M.N.T. [deleted] Sent: 17 July 2007 18:01 To: Cheahs Subject: A Prayer For jeannie

Dear Mr. Cheah,

I am equally sad of the unfortunate demise of your loving wife. I am happy to have known her. She had a happy disposition always. Mike and his RMC colleagues have their own religion. I am bored to tears. I am a Muslim and will remain so forever despite Mike's "secular humanist" belief. Its , perhaps, it little late but please accept my prayers:

"Ya Tuhan ku ampunilah Puan Jeannie Cheah dan angkatkanlah darjatnya ke dalam golongongan orang-orang yang terpimpin, gantikanlah dia selepas permigiannya, ampunilah bagi kami dan baginya. Wahai Tuhan ku yang mentadbir alam dan lapangkanlah baginya dalam kuburnya dan chahayakanlah baginya didalam nya."


Fazilah Tan Abdullah
My Dear Faz,

Thank you so much for your prayer for Jeannie. Though you guys met only fleetingly, she really liked you. Wherever she is, I am sure she received your good thoughts and prayer.

If you do not mind, I will be posting your prayers in the her/my blog.

Best regards.


Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Bless The Day We Found Us.......

Our 17th Wedding Anniversary...Febuary 2003

Anniversary Speech

I was just thinking of Saturday and wondered what I would say if asked to make a speech. What would I say indeed?

One thing’s for sure, there is so much that I could say about us that most of those present can already see; yet there is nothing I can say that will ever show them the true love we share and the relationship that we have.

There are those who wonder why we have chosen to celebrate a 17th wedding anniversary. I find this interesting because it is a natural tendency to measure a relationship in terms of the numbers of years clocked. I suppose it is all a matter of perspective.

Ours has always been one of a countdown rather than of notching the years. A conscious decision we made to cherish and relish our remaining years together has enhanced our relationship and defined our marriage.

Every anniversary we share reduces the number of anniversaries we have left; yet we are happy. We are happy to have found each other, we are happy to be together, we are happy to walk together.

My darling, you are to me more precious than life. If given a choice between immortality without you, and counting down years together with you, I would choose the finite.

May the years we have left be more than the 17 wonderful years we have shared as "US".

Though star-blazed skies my mind contained.
The solitude of night my heart concealed,
Love's emotions were so fully restrained,
Thus did I hide behind a self-made shield.
And then you entered into my life.

Bewildering feelings, dazed and confused,
But you continued deeper like a knife,
Until my hardness was thus subdued.
What I never thought possible for me,
You've done and that I'll always treasure.

My heart burns fervent with love for thee,
Our souls delight in each beyond all measure.
And as you place that ring onto my finger.
I know for certain I'm enraptured with an angel divine.

You and I
Pure destiny
Forever meant to be.
Immutable! Inseparable! So unbelievable!
I’ve never told you just how much I needed
your every touch and sigh.
So beautiful
So meaningful
So wonderful.
You’re everything I wanted
or have ever dreamed of
and I feel as if
I’ve been reborn
into a mystic universe
pulsing with your love.

Just hold me close, feel my heartbeat and walk in my soul
I will breathe for the both of us.
Something has awakened in us.
Those words simply cannot describe it.....

Bleed my last drop brings forth a whole new day, love and dies for you
whatever comes our way.
And throughout this universe I dare to say.
There is not another that could make my heart so sway.

"I am grateful for having you in my life, and I thank my good stars for me to have found you"

Love and Blessings to "US" and may the Universe bless us with many more to come....

Gratitude and Love....

Gratitude is a key that opens the door to the flow of
unconditional love through your heart.
The heartfelt expression of gratitude,
either in words or in thought.
Focuses on the plenty that you have,
rather than anything that may be missing in your life.

Giving thanks is the expression of gratitude, and gratitude is
one of the most beautiful secrets in spiritual life.

Gratitude is a form of love, and love is something which flows
from the Creator of the universe through all forms of life and
manifestation. Without love, life in the universe cannot exist.
Love is the universal force of preservation which holds
creation in manifestation.

*The Natural Flow of Love*

Love is as natural as the universe. By design, there is a
tension between the forces of creation and universal love.
It is this tension which controls the size of the universe,
holding it within its envelope.
It is this tension which regulates the size of an electron's orbit around a nucleus.
Love is the force which retains electrons in their orbits,
making atoms possible and the existence of life as we know it.

You can block love, or you can allow it to flow naturally
through you. Falling in love with another person is an
allowance of the flow of love through your heart.
In a world where everything has the appearance of separateness, it is a
surrender to the underlying unity of all life.
It is a place of apparent vulnerability, a willingness to take the risk that
separation will once again return if that love is later lost.

When you allow your heart to open to the universe flow of love,
gratitude comes with that flow.

Gratitude for being alive, for just existing,
for just being in the flow of the adventure of life.
Gratitude for the Sun that gives us life.
Gratitude for the Earth that gives us our home in the cosmos.
Gratitude for the people that you love, and for those who share
your journey through life.

Gratitude flows unimpeded from an open heart.
When you allow it, it flows as freely as the sunshine, unobstructed by
judgments or conditions.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires,
let these be your desires:

To melt and be like runnings brook,
that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart
And give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer
For the beloved in your heart
And a song of praise upon your lips.

Blessings with Gratitute and Love.

Sunday, July 08, 2007

You Are My World.

Follow your dream,
Take one step at a time and don’t settle for less.
Just continue to climb, Follow your dream.
If you stumble, don’t lose sight of your goal.
Get on to the top,
For only on top we can see the whole view.
Can we see what we’ve done and what we can do
Can we then have the vision and seek something new.
Most of all follow your heart with faith.

Each day brings you happiness and peace,
and the strength and courage to follow your dream.
May you forget the weight of yesterday.
And focus on the path ahead,
Guided by your heart and the light of love and hope.
May you find beauty in every thing
and goodness in every heart.

And may you always remember that you are blessed.

This post has got everything to do with the conversation I had with my son last night.

*We must always question - we must never take anything for granted - we have so much to re-learn just to get back to what mankind once knew as a universal truth.
Before we can move forward to the next elevation of awareness and understanding - you need to look within yourself and love yourself.*

Specially for my dearest Krystyn and J.J......You are my world!

With all my Love and Blessings.

Friday, June 29, 2007

A Song Of Love .........

Thank you for all the good wishes, gifts and also making my birthday a memorable one.
The bouquet of Love here from all of you is as precious to me as the time you all spend with me.

Here is a song from me with Love.
Thank you my friends for loving me as ME.

With blessings and love....

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

My Most Treasured Gift......

The most treasured gift from my wonderful children.
My daughter just brought home,this most beautiful birthday cake I have ever seen in my life.
It brought me so much tears of joy and it certainly made me feel very bless.
My children is one of my most wanted "Miracle" that came true.
Thank you my wonderful children.

With all my Love and Blessings.

Blessed is Today....

A birthday is just another day,
young of mind, yet youthful looks go away.
Another year older,
the world seems a bit colder.
Yet my heart still burns,
and for love it forever yearns.

Another year older,
I grow even bolder.
Life is for us to learn from,
as calculated as a mathematical sum.

Another year older,
hurting blazes now just smolder.
Letting go of past rage and pain,
living life and feeling sane.

Another year older,tears in my eyes..
Life has not been so bad.
My tears are of joy because I feel bless.

Clothed in uncompromising love, the perfect fit.
Patience, love, joy and peace will be suitable accessories.
Are the fragrances of integrity adorning my Heart.
The shield of salvation cosseted my finery.
Bejeweled in truth, faith, love and trust.
Fashioned after the model I hoped to see.
The sight was an amazing vision to behold.

Another year older,
more pages added to my folder.
I'm glad of whom I am today,
I would not have myself any other way.
So don't mind that I write my own birthday rhyme,
I've lived through my life up till this time.
I think it is safe to say.
Things will go as planned the "Universe" way.
There’s got more for me yet, it'll be even better I bet.

Another year older,
Far beyond this mortal state
And even though it can't be seen
From Heaven to Earth it's in-between
I can feel it but it can't be touched.

Yet these feelings touched so much, touched my soul and touched my heart.
Showed me what to be apart and it gives me priceless gifts.
Things like mercy and spirit lifts,truth and honor an honest mind.
Eternal life no end of time
Gave me sight, gave me might, the right direction towards the light.
Made me see made me free, most important made me… ME.

I am of my words and my words are of me;
I am no one to some, but someone to me;
I am who I am and who I am is me.
The Phoenix is still rising and love there will be, always and forever for Me.





Sunday, June 24, 2007

Miracles Of My Life........

Call it a miracle or call it a reserve of strength activated by a tremendous surge of adrenalin – We start looking for what we needed to face the crisis.
And so it is with all of us. We have strength, given by our Creator, to overcome seemingly impossible challenges ahead.
We may feel weak or unable to cope, but we have been designed with sufficient power to meet those obstacles which may appear insurmountable.
Call it what you will, I will call it a Miracle.

***A very good friend of mine, someone I consider an Angel told me not too long ago to surrender myself whole heartedly to The Universe and my Masters. Totally!!! she said.
My eyes was wide open and just nodded my head.
I remember, I cried and I cried while she went on and on with instructions.
I was told to do that in order to let go and let them take over and decide what is best for me.

I began to think about how to use it in my own life.
It left me thinking very hard and took me sometime to realize what she really meant.
I was carrying so much and I was beginning to get real tired and could hardly move on with my life.
I wanted so much that inner peace and a raging desire to get the very best out of life and to make the most of things till my end of time.

Just like any other morning, waking up with so much of heavy weights on my shoulder.
I decided to do what I should do.
I am going to set myself free.
Into my prayer room I go.
Filled with tranquility, I could almost feel they (my Masters, Guides and Angels) were all waiting for me.
Yes, my big day to make an important decision.
I did the necessary stuff, made myself comfortable and I meditated.
Very relaxed I was and I just knew its time…..Letting go and setting free!

I took the piece of paper and pen which was prepared.
I started writing to my guardian angels.

I sought the help of my guardian angels to help with conflict resolution.
I pleaded with my guardian angels to speak to the enemy's guardian angel.
I requested that my guardian angel to have an ---angel to angel (talk) with their guardian angel about finding a win-win situation. (I know it sounded a little crazy here.)
But that's not what's important
In really thinking through what I want to say in the letter,
I was writing to my guardian angels and asking them to deliver the message for me.
Again, whether you pray to them or write to them, it forces you to find the words to say exactly what it is you want to say.
Perhaps that's where the magic lies.
I don't know, but if I had written some vague nothingness in the sky, then nothing might happen.
I believe it only works when I'm writing my pains, agony and truth to the angels with Love.
Maybe they're real and maybe they're not, but believing they're real and that they'll help might just work its magic on me.

I guess I end up sending out a prayer after all.
It's just a different form of prayer.
What matters is that the process served its purpose.
Peace and harmony was created as felt, than before I had started writing to the angels.
It really worked very nicely after I took that leap of faith and asking.

I'm not much for praying in the traditional down on your knees but on that day I did.
My knees hurt but I pay more attention to keeping my hands in that saintly position and trying to really connect with any form of a higher celestial type being…….
And yes I was desperate!!! Especially after many failed attempts.

When a “big” prayer is answered, can we prove it was a miracle?
To those of us who have received one, we need no proof.
We just know that it was. The experience is one of an internal recognition that is so indescribably profound as to alter your life forever.
I revel in the belief that I was blessed with not one, but several miracles during the course of my life.

Miracles happen every day- big and small, quiet and loud, known and unknown.
We sometimes believe in miracles when we can see it right away.
At times, we forget that some miracles take a little longer.
I believe I recently witnessed some miracles which I fully appreciate.
There is something amazing for everyone to experience in this life.
If we can live without limitations……we can create magnificent Miracles.

A miracle is “an extraordinary event manifesting divine intervention in human affairs.”

@I surrender myself totally and whole heartedly to The Universe and My Masters@

@May the Angel of Faith protect my heart and mind with light and love@

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Happy Birthday Dearest J.J.

Let me try to describe the gift that you have given to me,
Although, I believe that will be a major undertaking.
Since it is quite difficult to describe in ordinary language.
Your arrival 17 years ago was a conscious decision of Love ....
marked with a miracle.
By far, the finest creative gift was you.
For when you emerged into my world,

With my heart so willing to share its wealth.
There you were, a small wonder; a tiny reflection
Of combined traits which would ultimately be recreated
Into the distinctive person you have become.

I never realized that my heart,
Was so willing to share so much love
With a stranger so small and needy.
You didn't arrive with instructions
It was strictly learn as you go.
The journey you undertook
Was not of a scheduled nature and you again showed us Miracles do happen.

I remember the first time you crawled
Army style on your belly for the longest time.
You walked with support for those many months
But when it came to taking those first steps,
Long after the cake and ice cream that I
Really didn't want you to eat.
It wasn't until that one day, totally unexpected that
You did it all by yourself.

From then on, it seemed to get a little bit easier
Since you had this great disposition
And that smile that went all the way across.
That you turned out to be.
Sharing and loving all the time.
Was not something that you had to learn.

Even at that young age,
You became the teacher, teaching us things we never knew at times.
Ever so patient, so caring, so you.

To carry on a family trait that you will certainly pass on.
As you grew, you obtained a wonderful gift of Love.
I offered you the tools to learn and trust and to be a confident person.
You showed me that you can be an independent person.
That day you climbed on to the yellow school bus for the first time
You looked so small, yet so ready to embark upon a new venture.
It rolled down the street
And so did those tears in my eyes
Not because I was sad but because a new chapter in your life was beginning.

You are an intelligent, sensible, affectionate and sympathetic person,
Who always seems to be there for those whose lives you touch.
You have an extraordinary enthusiasm and passion for learning.
You have the ability to communicate your inner most thoughts,
Where so many your age do not.
I am blessed for that.

Now, you will be going off on your own in a way.
Making decisions that you may not be able to pass by me
That will affect your life.
You may fall down
But I know that you will always pick yourself up
And begin again.
I never thought that I would look up to someone your age
But that has become evident.
As you look at us side by side; the bond will not be broken.
The stranger that entered my life not so long ago,
Has certainly been transformed into a young man.
That I am proud to call . . .
My Son.

***Every year on your birthday, you get a chance to start new.
All the world is a birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much.***

On this day, I thank the Universe for sending me a wonderful son like you.
Happy Birthday with all my love and blessings.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Monday, June 11, 2007

"Harvest of The Heart"

As I look back on my life
I find myself wondering...
Did I remember to thank you

for all that you have done for me?

For all of the times you were by my side
to help me celebrate my successes
and accept my defeats?

Or for teaching me the value of hard work,
good judgment, courage, and honesty?
I wonder if I've ever thanked you
for the simple things...

The laughter, smiles, and quiet times we've shared.
The seeds of faith, you gave to me
Have flourished, and have stayed
As you instructed long ago...
When feeling weak, I've prayed.

The seeds of love you planted deep
And nourished them with care
You watered them with many tears
And blessed them with your prayers.

So Mom, I want to thank you now
YOU are The Universe greatest art
for giving me these fruits of Love...
"Moms Harvest of The Heart".

***Mom, you have gone home 22 years now(June 20th). Never for a day have I forgotten you and spoken to you so many many times. The fond memories of you, my mother shall always remain.
I have learn to think of you in the nicest way. I know you are with me all the time, for I have chosen to keep you very close to my heart.
There is no better day to thank you, than today.
This song, is the same song I used to sing when I was a teenager.
Every time when I sang this song and you would tell me it is nice.
I have chosen this song to mark your anniversary and my Mother's Day.***

Loving you my dearest mom...always and forever.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Blessings to all.

In these times may your own search for truth and meaning bring you great successes. May the times that you give pause to laugh at your own foibles be increasingly replaced by the cheerfulness of shared successes with loved ones.

From this moment on, hopefully all of you will have a greater sense of our shared human familial lineage and a fuller sense of sharing amongst ourselves.
We all have a few ‘stories’ to share with each other when we come together.
In that, we see that we are not so different from everyone else and that our way is perhaps not so difficult as we supposed.

Take pause to listen, and then remember as we weigh what we hear against our own experience. As a result, we will find the grain of truth amongst the chaff of outer trappings.

Yes, the days of late are intense in their application, but full as well in their offerings. Let meaning grow out of what we might call the ‘daily grind’.
In my trade grinding brings out the luster of the base material and gives a polished finish to the work.

Is that not what struggle does for the human condition?
May your struggles bring Light and luster to your lives and may you be lifted as a result. We never toil alone.
What we think is work and adversity is the playground for the Soul and the fountain head of joy. History has shown it, if we care to look.

May the blessings of the Universe bring you Peace, Love and Light.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Healing Journey Of Love......

I was faced with a reality in which each day was possibly my last day, each hour my last hour, and I recognized that for whatever limited time I had remaining, I wanted to be happy with my family.

Living a compromise made no sense to me. Since each day was possibly the last one I would ever have, I wanted to do what makes me happy, whatever my heart was asking for. It didn't make sense for me to do things I didn't enjoy just because someone else thought it would be not be good for me. Their loving intentions were recognized, but I knew it was not my way. My path to healing had to include a sense of enjoyment in all that I did, and I had to be true to myself, to be real. I had to believe in the recovery process.

I was presented with the idea that our perceptions create our reality, and I realized that I had to reprogram my consciousness to create the perception that I was well. I was not prepared for such an abrupt shift from the perception of being so unwell and unhappy, but I realized that I could much more easily create the perception that I was getting better and better, until I was indeed well.

I had had the perception that I was in a state of deterioration, getting closer and closer to losing a game I didn’t want to be a part of in the first place, and I knew that if I were to have as the end result the perception that I was well, I would have to change from getting worse and worse to getting better and better. I also knew that the turn-around could happen in any moment. It was a matter of turning a switch in my mind, and insisting on knowing that it had been turned. I decided that if the moment of change could be any moment, then let it be now before I turned into a piece of furniture around my house.

I felt a shift in my consciousness after my very good friend and her husband took my daughter and I to this very spiritual place.
It left me in a state of confusion for days and I knew then that I was in a state of improvement.
Though many more unpleasant things still happens without a reason and have given up on knowing why or how it happened.

I also knew the importance of maintaining the integrity of that decision, and of that moment. I knew that all of my perceptions had to reinforce the idea that I was now getting better and better. For example, I could remind myself as I ate whatever food I wanted, that it was exactly what my body needed to accelerate the healing process and etc.
My heart and my mind looked for more and more ways of knowing that the improvement was happening.

I knew I had to stay away from those people who insisted on seeing me as fragile or an ill luck person. They are not doing me any good anyway. Not to mention those who abandon me in my most desperate times. Can't blame them anyway and I do not want to.
Not from any lack of love, but just to maintain my own positive attitude toward my healing process.
I had to be with people who were willing to encourage me on this seemingly impossible task I had set for myself.
When I was asked how I was doing, I insisted on answering, "Better and better," and seeing how that was, in fact, true.

I knew that it was vital to maintain the positive programming and that putting myself in a relaxed state of mind and talking positively to myself for fifteen minutes everyday, was a part of the programming process I should in no way interfere with. There were temptations to not do the relaxations, and then I would remind myself that my life was at stake.
Any temptation, then, was something that stood between me and my life, and had to be removed, so that I could live on and be with my family and loved ones.

At first, it was very difficult. I found that the integrity of the moment of change was easily compromised, by my thoughts or words acknowledging anything other than the idea that I was improving, and I had to be honest with myself, and see that, and then know that I "do not have any choice."
Then, I could tell myself that what had happened was just a practice run, and that the real moment of change was now.

It got easier and easier. I was able to maintain integrity for just hours at first, then a day, then two days, and then I was solid.
I knew the program was working. I was able to recognize the doubting voice inside, and know that it did not represent truth.
I was able to identify with the encouraging voice. It became my guide, leading me back to myself as much as possible.

I was more and more able to maintain the signs of knowing that positive changes were happening. When I was not feeling a symptom, I told myself that perhaps now I would never feel that symptom again. If I experienced the symptom after that, I told myself that the process was just not yet complete, and that indeed I was feeling the symptom less than I had before.(symptom goes back to the many months of blood vomiting, oh! what hell days and nights)Not forgetting those two beautiful voices of my kids telling me.......we want our mummy back! That was enough for me not to give in to the other side which was not suppose to be here.

I had to know that positive changes were happening now, possibly just at the threshold of notice-ability, so I could eagerly anticipate evidence to justify my perceptions.
Naturally, I was always able to find something, and so assure myself that it was not something I was just imagining, but real, and more strength was added to the process with the love and understanding of my family.

I found myself having less and less in common with my old friends. It was as though we had shared whatever that means, and suddenly I found myself having few things to communicate with. I had to find new friends to have someone to talk or share with.

I found myself being attracted to new friends, and them to me, as though I had become selectively magnetic, and letting go of certain elements of my reality were being released that were no longer in sync with the new Being I was becoming. I knew the process was inevitable, and should not be interfered with.

I developed a sense of compassion and understanding at that time. I knew that my life depended on releasing all elements of my life not in accordance with my new vibration. When it becomes a matter of life and death, the choice becomes a clear one, and simple, although not always easy.

I began each day as a process of self-discovery, with no preconceived notion of who I was, yet with a willingness to discover the emerging Being, and a sense of delight with each new discovery.

As I transformed my way of "Being", my lifestyle has changed dramatically.

It no longer makes any sense to go round pleasing people that are filled with negativities. I learn to get use to the idea of doing what I really want to do and not doing what I really do not want to do, and trusting my trip, listening to my inner voice. Most of all I have learn to say NO when its a NO! It’s a decision I have never regretted.

With what I learned of the body/mind relationship from my experience and during my own healing process, I developed a model of healing as a way to organize in my own mind what had happened for me, and what had worked.

I gradually became involved in healing others again when conditions seemed to demand that and in doing that I saw more and more examples of the body/mind interface covering many other problems. The model of healing I was using became more and more coherent and multi-dimensional.

The work I do now as a healer(a light worker) and teacher is meaningful to me, important to others as well, and is of service to humanity, the way my friends provided me (especially my kids) during my darkest times. I have a strong sense of doing my life's work. I know that I am doing what I came to this planet to do. I know it is right. It's not a feeling that I had so strong before.

I discovered the joy of sharing my experiences(though not in details) and ideas with others, and watching them benefit as they put the ideas to work in their own lives. All these were done while I was doing healing for them and with them. Some were even taught by me and I am glad in many ways I was guided to do so. Especially so, when things work out well for them. Bless them!

It may seem as though the individual had awakened from a dream, yet there seemed no difference between the dream and reality. Things made sense in a different way. A perceptual filter will have been removed; a filter through which values had been determined, and without that filter, truer values will become evident. The "new" Being may even have different tastes in food and/or clothing, and different personal habits. It will be a welcome transformation.

While instantaneous change is always possible and available, most people do not seem to be prepared for so abrupt a shift in their way of Being. Gradual change seems generally more comfortable for the Being involved, as well as for others in the Being's environment.

With instantaneous change, there is the experience of sudden clarification of what had been obscure, and a sense something like what might be experienced by a Being suddenly finding itself in a body, and watching a movie unfolding around itself, a movie that had just begun (I was watching a movie without an ending for such a long long time). It is just spread out over a longer period of time. The same issues keep repeating. I want changes to be made. In addition, only I can maintain the single-mindedness of this journey's purpose.

To those people close to the me, it could be a very confusing time, as well. It could seem as though the person they had known me to be, had suddenly changed in a way; gone crazy. Habitual patterns of behavior and responding would suddenly no longer be there, and it could be very confusing. For my own health and well-being, however, I hope they would be totally supportive of this new Being, since attempts to re-create the old me was never successful.

Accepting Me.......As Me! Life must again be harmonious, and the body's state of health and well-being indicate that the Being has returned to balance, and may now identify with the way they are. The transformation and healing will then be complete.

When an individual who has been out of balance has made the decision to return to balance, they must make it a high priority project. Nothing else must be more important; a priority I took upon myself as I began this journey. When there has been the recognition of a path to health, nothing must interfere with that path. The development and maintenance of a positive mental attitude is imperative.

Within my Being, within my consciousness, is the ability to love, to perceive without judgment or expectation, to care. We have a potential for infinite love, whether or not we choose to recognize it, and whether or not you choose to manifest it. In fact, this love is the very nature of all humans.

We have the ability to love wherever there was a perception of a lack of love, or a call for love. Love heals.

We have in our consciousness the potential and ability to heal anything, on any level, in ourselves as well as in any other Being, since it's all just love and energy. What remains is for us to realize this fully and actualize that potential.

Open up your heart and love.........and Love does heal.

In many ways I have learned tough lessons throughout the rather eventful time for the past two years, and I have many dear friends to thank. They were angels who held my hands through my pitch dark days and I thank the Universe for sending me these friends. I shall hold them close to my heart.

My family who never gave up on me no matter how difficult times were then. I would never be able to make it here without them.

May I continue with this healing journey of mine till the end of my Time!

Thanking my Masters, Angels and Spirit Guides with Love.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Angel for you......

It's amazing what can truly happen,
How your life can be so grand;
When you give up trying on your own
And let an angel hold your hand.

All the loneliness inside of you
Will completely disappear;
When you realize you're not alone,
That your angel is very near.

Your life will become more meaningful,
As well as totally rearrange;
You'll be amazed at all that you can do,
At the blessings of the change.

You will be able to handle anything,
There is nothing you can't face;
With your angel there to lead you
Your entire life will fall in place.

Just give up trying on your own,
And allow your angel to lead;
All of the Universe blessings will come to you,
And all you must never forget is Faith!

No matter what you are called to do,
How simple or complex the task;
Your angel will be there to show the way,
All you have to do is ask.

Don't ever let yourself feel discouraged,
Feel this thought within your soul;
All the things you've ever dreamed of
Will become a reachable goal.

So let your angel hold your hand,
Your life will be so complete;
Prepare to conquer the tasks of life,
There will be no battle you can't defeat.

*Dedicated to Halley and Jill. May you have an angel watching over you always.*
With Blessings, Love and Light.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

New Moon.......New Beginning

"True love exists when the heart is so broadly trained that it can embrace all human beings and all living creatures."

When we think of love, we have ideas that are purely personal and, on the whole, quite fanciful. They are based in general on our desire to be loved, from which we expect fulfillment.

In reality love fulfills only the one who loves.
If we understand love as a quality of the heart, just as intelligence is a quality of the mind, then we won't deal with love as people customarily do.

As a rule, we divide our hearts into different compartments, for lovable, neutral and unlovable people. With that sort of divided heart, there's no way we can feel good. We can be "whole" only with a heart united in love.

True love exists when the heart is so broadly trained that it can embrace all human beings and all living creatures.
This requires a learning process that is sometimes hard, above all when someone turns out to be very unfriendly or unpleasant.
But this condition can be reached by everyone, because we all have the capacity for love within us.

Every moment we spend on the training of our hearts is valuable and brings us a step further along the path of purification.

The more often we remember that all our heart has to do is love, the easier it will be to distance ourselves from judgments and condemnations.
But that doesn't mean we can no longer distinguish between good and evil.
Naturally we know what is evil, but hatred of evil needn't forever be stirring in our heart. On the contrary, we have compassion for those who act in a way that does harm.

Most of our problems are concerned with interpersonal relations.
To address these, we can direct our view to the teachings on the four highest emotions. These are called in Pali the brahmaviharas; or four divine abodes.
They are loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy and equanimity.

If we had only these four emotions at our disposal, we would have paradise on earth. Unfortunately that's not how it is, and so we rarely experience any paradisaical feelings. Most of the time we torment ourselves with difficulties in the family, in our circle of friends, and on the job.

Our mind constantly tells us about all the things that don't suit it; and it usually fingers the guilty party, the person who's bothering us, who doesn't want things the way we want them.
But let's remember: whenever somebody else says or does something, it's a matter of his or her karma alone. Only a negative reaction on our side creates our own karma.

This is what we absolutely have to understand: who is doing the loving-myself or the other? If I myself love, then I have a certain purity of heart.
But if the love is dependent on this or that person or situation, then I'm passing judgment and dividing people into those I think lovable and those I don't.

We're all looking for an ideal world, but it can exist only in our own heart, and for this we have to develop our heart's capacity so that we learn to love independently.

This means that we increasingly purify our heart, free it from negativity, and fill it with more and more love.
The more love a heart contains, the more love it can pour out.

The one and only thing that holds us back is our thinking, judging mind.
So the only thing that matters is to incline one's own heart to love, because the person who loves is by nature lovable too.

Yet if we love only because we want to be endearing, we succumb to the error of expecting results for our efforts. If an action is worth doing, then it doesn't lose this value, whether we get results or not.

We don't love as a favor to another or to get something.
We love for the sake of love, and so we succeed in filling our hearts With love!! And the fuller it gets, the less room there is for negatives.

The Buddha recommended looking upon all people as one's own children. Loving all men and women as if one were their mother is a high ideal. But every little step toward this goal helps us to purify our hearts.

The Buddha also explained that it was quite possible that we already were mothers to all the many men and women. If we keep this fact before our eyes, it'll be much easier to get along with people, even those who don't strike us as lovable.

If we observe ourselves very carefully-and that's the point of mindfulness-we will find that we ourselves are not one hundred percent lovable. We will also observe that we find more people unlovable than otherwise.

That too can bring no happiness. So we should try to turn this around, and find more and more people lovable.
We have to act like every mother: she loves her children even though they sometimes behave very badly. We can make this sort of approach our goal and recognize it as our way of practice.

The Buddha called this kind of love metta, which is not identical to what we call love. "Craving" in Pali is lobha, which sounds rather like the English word for love; and because the entire world revolves around wanting-to-have, we also interpret love this way.

But that's not love, because love is the will to give. Wanting to have is absurd, when we think of love and yet degrade it to this level.
Although a loving heart without wishes and limits opens up the world in its purity and beauty, we have made little or no use of this inherent capacity.

The far enemy of love is obviously hatred. The near enemy of love is clinging. Clinging means that we're not standing on our own two feet and giving love; we're holding on to someone.
It often happens that the person we cling to doesn't find it especially pleasant and would be glad to get rid of this clinger, because he or she can be a burden.
And then comes the great surprise that the love affair isn't working-but we clung so devotedly!

Clinging is thus called the near enemy, because it looks like real love. The big difference between the two is the possessiveness that marks clinging.

Such possessiveness proves, time and time again, to be the end of love.
True, pure love, so famed in song and story, means that we can pass it on and give it away from the heart without evaluation.
Here we have to be on the lookout to recognize the negativity within us.

We're always searching for its causes outside ourselves, but they're not there.
They always lie in our gut and darken our heart.
So the point is: Recognize, don't blame, change! We must keep replacing the negative with the positive.
When no one is there to whom we can give love, that doesn't in the least mean that no love exists.

The love that fills one's own heart is the foundation of self-confidence and security, which helps us not to be afraid of anyone. This fear can be traced back to our not being sure of our own reactions.

If we meet someone who has no good feelings to bring our way, then we already fear a corresponding reaction on our side, and so we prefer to avoid such situations in advance.

But if the heart is full of love, then nothing will happen to us, because we know that our reaction will be completely loving.
Anxiety becomes unnecessary when we've realized that everyone is the creator of his or her own karma.

This feeling of love, which is aimed not at only one person, but forms a basis for our whole interior life, is an important aid in meditation, because only through it is real devotion possible.

The second of the four divine abodes-the highest emotions-is compassion, whose far enemy is cruelty and whose near enemy is pity. Pity can't give others any help.
If someone pours out her heart to us and we pity her, then two people are suffering instead of one.
And by contrast we give her our compassion, we help her through her trouble.

It's very important to develop compassion for oneself, because it's the precondition for being able to do so for others.
If someone doesn't meet us lovingly, it will be easier for us to give this person compassion instead of love.

It's easier because now we know that this person who comes to meet us unlovingly is angry or enraged, is most definitely unhappy.
If she were happy, she wouldn't be angry or enraged.
Knowing about the other's unhappiness makes it easier for us to summon up compassion, especially when we've already done so with respect to our own unhappiness.

Unfortunately we often deal with our own suffering in the wrong way.
Instead of acknowledging it and meeting ourselves with compassion, we try to escape our trouble as quickly as possible by developing self-pity or getting distracted or making someone else responsible for it.

Here compassion is the only possibility for meeting our difficulties. We experience exactly what the Buddha teaches: in this world suffering exists. That's the first Noble Truth.

Then we can try to acknowledge what we really want to have or get rid of, and thus make suffering our teacher.
There is no better one, and the more we listen to it and find a way into what it's trying to make us understand, the easier the spiritual path will prove.

This path aims to change us so emphatically that in the end we may not even recognize ourselves.

Suffering is a part of our existence, and only when we accept that and stop running away from it, when we've learned that suffering belongs to life, can we let go-and then the suffering stops.

With this knowledge it's much easier to develop compassion for others, for suffering strikes everyone, without exception.

Even the so-called badness of others can't bother us, because it only arises out of ignorance and suffering.
All the evil in this world is based on these two things.

The third of the four highest emotions is sympathetic joy, whose far enemy is envy, consisting of greed and hatred.
The near enemy is hypocrisy, pretending to oneself and others, which we believe is sometimes necessary. We think: these are just little white lies that can readily be forgiven.

Sympathetic joy is rightly understood when we see that there's no difference between people, that we're all a part of whatever is momentarily existing in the world.
So if one of these parts experiences joy, then its joy has come into the world and we all have reason to share in it.

The UNIVERSE will replace the individual when we have experienced and tasted it in meditation.
Our problems won't let up as long as we try to support and secure the "me."
Only when we begin to put the universal over the individual and to see our purification as more important than the wish to have and get, will we find peace in our hearts.

The Buddha called the fourth and last of these emotions the greatest jewel of all: equanimity. It's the seventh factor of enlightenment, and its far enemy is excitement.
The near enemy is indifference, which is based on intentional unconcern.
By nature we take an interest in everything.

We would like to see, hear, taste and experience everything. But since we have often been disappointed by our incapacity to love, we build an armor of indifference around us, to protect us from further disappointment.

But that only protects us from loving and opening ourselves to the world of love and compassion.
What clearly distinguishes equanimity from indifference is love, for in equanimity love is brought to a higher development, while in indifference love is not felt at all or cannot be shown.

Equanimity means that we already have enough insight so that nothing seems worth getting worked up over anymore.

How did we reach this understanding? We've learned that everything-above all ourselves-comes into being and then passes away.
When we get too excited, instead of recognizing the fullness of life, we don't yet have a loving heart.
Only a loving heart can realize the fullness of existence.
The understanding we get through meditation clearly shows us that the end of this life is constantly before us.

Teresa of Avila said: "Not so much thinking-more loving!" Where does thinking get us? To be sure, it landed us on the moon.
But if we have developed love in our hearts, we can accept men and women with all their problems and peculiarities.

Then we'll have built up a world where happiness, harmony, and peace are in control. This world can't be thought up; it must be felt.
Only meditation can present us with this ideal world, in which it is absolutely necessary to give up thinking. This heals us and gives us the capacity to turn more to our heart.

Since equanimity is a factor of enlightenment, it is based on understanding, above all on the realization that everything that takes place also passes away again. So what do I lose?

The worst that can happen is the loss of my life. But I'll lose that in any event-so what's all the excitement about? In general, the people who cause problems for us don't exactly want to kill us.

They just want to confirm their ego.
But that's not our business; it's wholly and entirely theirs.
So long as we meditate and win new insights, it will always be simpler to recognize that all desire for self-affirmation, all aggression, all claims for power, all wanting to have and be are intertwined with conflict.
So we have to keep trying to let go of willing and wishing, in order to return to equanimity.

You can't meditate at all without equanimity.
If we are excited or absolutely want to get or get rid of something, we can't come to rest.
Equanimity makes both everyday life and meditation easier.

That doesn't mean that conscience should simply be set aside.
We need only understand that this judge in our own heart creates nothing but conflict.

If we really want to have peace, then we have to strive to develop love and compassion in our heart.

Everyone can achieve this, because ultimately the heart is there to love, as the mind is there to think.
If we renounce thinking in meditation, then we sense a feeling of purity.
We develop purity on the spiritual path.
If only one person develops it in himself or herself, the whole world will be the better for it.
And the more people purify their hearts, the greater the gain for everyone.

We can do this work every day from morning to night, because we are constantly confronted with ourselves-with all our reactions and with the mulishness that keeps us busy, because it has such a solid hold on our inner life.

The more observant we are, the easier we'll find it to let go, until the stubbornness has disappeared, and we've become peaceful and happy.

This work compensates us with great profit and with a security that can be found nowhere else.

At bottom we all know about the factors that make up the spiritual life, but acting in accordance with them is very hard.

Loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity are the four highest emotions, the only ones worth having.
They bring us to a level on which life gains breadth, greatness, and beauty and on which we stop trying to make it run the way we want it to-on which we even learn to love something that we may not have wanted at all.

The Buddha spoke about a love that knows no distinctions. It's simply the quality of the heart. If we have it, we'll find a completely new path in life.

Ayya Khema........Blessings and love to all.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

My Life = My Children......

Parenting asks us to rise to some of the most difficult challenges this world has to offer, and one of its greatest paradoxes arises around the issue of attachment.
On the one hand, successful parenting requires that we love our children, and most of us love in a very attached way.

On the other hand, it also requires that we let go of our children at the appropriate times, which means we must practice some level of non attachment.
Many parents find this difficult because we love our children fiercely, more than we will ever love anyone, and this can cause us to overstep our bounds with them as their independence grows.
Yet truly loving them requires that we set them free.

Attachment to outcome is perhaps the greatest obstacle on the parenting path, and the one that teaches us the most about the importance of practicing non attachment.
We commonly perceive our children to be extensions of ourselves, imagining that we know what's best for them, but our children are people in their own right with their own paths to follow in this world.
They may be called to move in directions we fear, don't respect, or don't understand, yet we must let them go.

This letting go happens gradually throughout our lives with our children until we finally honor them as fully grown adults who no longer require our guidance.
At this point, it is important that we treat them as peers who may or may not seek our input into their lives.
This allows them, and us, to fully realize the greatest gift parents can offer their offspring -independence.

Letting go in any area of life requires a deep trust in the universe, in the overall meaning and purpose of existence.
Remembering that there is more to us and our children than meets the eye can help us practice non attachment, even when we feel overwhelmed by concern and the desire to interfere.
We are all souls making our way in the world and making our way, ultimately, back to the same source.
This can be our mantra as we let our children go in peace and confidence.

I personally find it hard to face the day of letting go, but what can be more true as the above? Happy mother's day to myself...!

My life....My children.
With blessings, love and light.
In person and In spirit always.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007


I fought away my demons,
That chased me in my life,
For I chose to hear the music,
That was hidden by my screams.

I thought that he was winning,
As my heart began to break,
But whom does he think he's fooling,
My Soul's not his to take!

I stood and faced the Devil,
I refused to sit and hide,
"There's no way you are winning,
There's an Angel by my side!"

I danced in the shadows,
To the tune of life's sweet song,
I danced away my fears,
For they danced with me too long.

As I gazed into the moonlight,
Beneath the velvet sky,
I turned and faced my problems,
Then waved and said "goodbye"

Now I feel the beauty,
Of nighttimes endless choice,
Come share with me this feeling,
Come listen to its voice.

Even as things go downhill
And life becomes hell
Hope floats

Even as the world deserts you
And friends are few
Hope floats

Even as the only thing you have
Is a loneliness that is scary
Hope floats

Even as all seems lost and
Time remains a few grains of sand
Hope floats

Even as life seems beyond complaint
And strains of joy become faint
Hope floats

There may be nothing else to do
Than survive
And yet…as the self becomes distant
From the soul
There’s a voice that says
Hope floats...