Sunday, May 27, 2007
Healing Journey Of Love......
I was faced with a reality in which each day was possibly my last day, each hour my last hour, and I recognized that for whatever limited time I had remaining, I wanted to be happy with my family.
Living a compromise made no sense to me. Since each day was possibly the last one I would ever have, I wanted to do what makes me happy, whatever my heart was asking for. It didn't make sense for me to do things I didn't enjoy just because someone else thought it would be not be good for me. Their loving intentions were recognized, but I knew it was not my way. My path to healing had to include a sense of enjoyment in all that I did, and I had to be true to myself, to be real. I had to believe in the recovery process.
I was presented with the idea that our perceptions create our reality, and I realized that I had to reprogram my consciousness to create the perception that I was well. I was not prepared for such an abrupt shift from the perception of being so unwell and unhappy, but I realized that I could much more easily create the perception that I was getting better and better, until I was indeed well.
I had had the perception that I was in a state of deterioration, getting closer and closer to losing a game I didn’t want to be a part of in the first place, and I knew that if I were to have as the end result the perception that I was well, I would have to change from getting worse and worse to getting better and better. I also knew that the turn-around could happen in any moment. It was a matter of turning a switch in my mind, and insisting on knowing that it had been turned. I decided that if the moment of change could be any moment, then let it be now before I turned into a piece of furniture around my house.
I felt a shift in my consciousness after my very good friend and her husband took my daughter and I to this very spiritual place.
It left me in a state of confusion for days and I knew then that I was in a state of improvement.
Though many more unpleasant things still happens without a reason and have given up on knowing why or how it happened.
I also knew the importance of maintaining the integrity of that decision, and of that moment. I knew that all of my perceptions had to reinforce the idea that I was now getting better and better. For example, I could remind myself as I ate whatever food I wanted, that it was exactly what my body needed to accelerate the healing process and etc.
My heart and my mind looked for more and more ways of knowing that the improvement was happening.
I knew I had to stay away from those people who insisted on seeing me as fragile or an ill luck person. They are not doing me any good anyway. Not to mention those who abandon me in my most desperate times. Can't blame them anyway and I do not want to.
Not from any lack of love, but just to maintain my own positive attitude toward my healing process.
I had to be with people who were willing to encourage me on this seemingly impossible task I had set for myself.
When I was asked how I was doing, I insisted on answering, "Better and better," and seeing how that was, in fact, true.
I knew that it was vital to maintain the positive programming and that putting myself in a relaxed state of mind and talking positively to myself for fifteen minutes everyday, was a part of the programming process I should in no way interfere with. There were temptations to not do the relaxations, and then I would remind myself that my life was at stake.
Any temptation, then, was something that stood between me and my life, and had to be removed, so that I could live on and be with my family and loved ones.
At first, it was very difficult. I found that the integrity of the moment of change was easily compromised, by my thoughts or words acknowledging anything other than the idea that I was improving, and I had to be honest with myself, and see that, and then know that I "do not have any choice."
Then, I could tell myself that what had happened was just a practice run, and that the real moment of change was now.
It got easier and easier. I was able to maintain integrity for just hours at first, then a day, then two days, and then I was solid.
I knew the program was working. I was able to recognize the doubting voice inside, and know that it did not represent truth.
I was able to identify with the encouraging voice. It became my guide, leading me back to myself as much as possible.
I was more and more able to maintain the signs of knowing that positive changes were happening. When I was not feeling a symptom, I told myself that perhaps now I would never feel that symptom again. If I experienced the symptom after that, I told myself that the process was just not yet complete, and that indeed I was feeling the symptom less than I had before.(symptom goes back to the many months of blood vomiting, oh! what hell days and nights)Not forgetting those two beautiful voices of my kids telling me.......we want our mummy back! That was enough for me not to give in to the other side which was not suppose to be here.
I had to know that positive changes were happening now, possibly just at the threshold of notice-ability, so I could eagerly anticipate evidence to justify my perceptions.
Naturally, I was always able to find something, and so assure myself that it was not something I was just imagining, but real, and more strength was added to the process with the love and understanding of my family.
I found myself having less and less in common with my old friends. It was as though we had shared whatever that means, and suddenly I found myself having few things to communicate with. I had to find new friends to have someone to talk or share with.
I found myself being attracted to new friends, and them to me, as though I had become selectively magnetic, and letting go of certain elements of my reality were being released that were no longer in sync with the new Being I was becoming. I knew the process was inevitable, and should not be interfered with.
I developed a sense of compassion and understanding at that time. I knew that my life depended on releasing all elements of my life not in accordance with my new vibration. When it becomes a matter of life and death, the choice becomes a clear one, and simple, although not always easy.
I began each day as a process of self-discovery, with no preconceived notion of who I was, yet with a willingness to discover the emerging Being, and a sense of delight with each new discovery.
As I transformed my way of "Being", my lifestyle has changed dramatically.
It no longer makes any sense to go round pleasing people that are filled with negativities. I learn to get use to the idea of doing what I really want to do and not doing what I really do not want to do, and trusting my trip, listening to my inner voice. Most of all I have learn to say NO when its a NO! It’s a decision I have never regretted.
With what I learned of the body/mind relationship from my experience and during my own healing process, I developed a model of healing as a way to organize in my own mind what had happened for me, and what had worked.
I gradually became involved in healing others again when conditions seemed to demand that and in doing that I saw more and more examples of the body/mind interface covering many other problems. The model of healing I was using became more and more coherent and multi-dimensional.
The work I do now as a healer(a light worker) and teacher is meaningful to me, important to others as well, and is of service to humanity, the way my friends provided me (especially my kids) during my darkest times. I have a strong sense of doing my life's work. I know that I am doing what I came to this planet to do. I know it is right. It's not a feeling that I had so strong before.
I discovered the joy of sharing my experiences(though not in details) and ideas with others, and watching them benefit as they put the ideas to work in their own lives. All these were done while I was doing healing for them and with them. Some were even taught by me and I am glad in many ways I was guided to do so. Especially so, when things work out well for them. Bless them!
It may seem as though the individual had awakened from a dream, yet there seemed no difference between the dream and reality. Things made sense in a different way. A perceptual filter will have been removed; a filter through which values had been determined, and without that filter, truer values will become evident. The "new" Being may even have different tastes in food and/or clothing, and different personal habits. It will be a welcome transformation.
While instantaneous change is always possible and available, most people do not seem to be prepared for so abrupt a shift in their way of Being. Gradual change seems generally more comfortable for the Being involved, as well as for others in the Being's environment.
With instantaneous change, there is the experience of sudden clarification of what had been obscure, and a sense something like what might be experienced by a Being suddenly finding itself in a body, and watching a movie unfolding around itself, a movie that had just begun (I was watching a movie without an ending for such a long long time). It is just spread out over a longer period of time. The same issues keep repeating. I want changes to be made. In addition, only I can maintain the single-mindedness of this journey's purpose.
To those people close to the me, it could be a very confusing time, as well. It could seem as though the person they had known me to be, had suddenly changed in a way; gone crazy. Habitual patterns of behavior and responding would suddenly no longer be there, and it could be very confusing. For my own health and well-being, however, I hope they would be totally supportive of this new Being, since attempts to re-create the old me was never successful.
Accepting Me.......As Me! Life must again be harmonious, and the body's state of health and well-being indicate that the Being has returned to balance, and may now identify with the way they are. The transformation and healing will then be complete.
When an individual who has been out of balance has made the decision to return to balance, they must make it a high priority project. Nothing else must be more important; a priority I took upon myself as I began this journey. When there has been the recognition of a path to health, nothing must interfere with that path. The development and maintenance of a positive mental attitude is imperative.
Within my Being, within my consciousness, is the ability to love, to perceive without judgment or expectation, to care. We have a potential for infinite love, whether or not we choose to recognize it, and whether or not you choose to manifest it. In fact, this love is the very nature of all humans.
We have the ability to love wherever there was a perception of a lack of love, or a call for love. Love heals.
We have in our consciousness the potential and ability to heal anything, on any level, in ourselves as well as in any other Being, since it's all just love and energy. What remains is for us to realize this fully and actualize that potential.
Open up your heart and love.........and Love does heal.
In many ways I have learned tough lessons throughout the rather eventful time for the past two years, and I have many dear friends to thank. They were angels who held my hands through my pitch dark days and I thank the Universe for sending me these friends. I shall hold them close to my heart.
My family who never gave up on me no matter how difficult times were then. I would never be able to make it here without them.
May I continue with this healing journey of mine till the end of my Time!
Thanking my Masters, Angels and Spirit Guides with Love.