Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Wind Beneath My Wings.

Nothing to do?
Go take a nap was what I intended to do.
As I lay down and try to sleep, somehow there is this feeling that on this day I need to write something from my HEART!
Asking myself, what is there to write? An answer came to me and say........if you go into your room where you always find comfort in, you'll know what to write.
I did that. Went downstairs, into my prayer room and sat there very quietly and it came to me.
A special day to write something special is what I am going to do and here it goes............

Every minute of the day for such a long time, I struggled desperately to understand what had happened?
Why am I going through what is happening to me.(for those who knows)
Just when I thought I had found the joy in living,laughing,learning,loving and in tune even with nature and peace.
How could all these disappeared all of a sudden? (reaching out for the box of kleenex by this time)

For my entire life, all I ever wanted was a peace of mind, love and be loved. Anything wrong?
Its been a long time now that I have been hiding this part of myself from others.......sadness,lost of confidence, feeling very misunderstood and alone.
My quality of life is not the same anymore and I was asking myself when will it return?
I also realised that my smiles were not for myself anymore but for others and that's what they expected from someone like me anyway.
I was wearing a mask on my face, day in and day out that it became so natural for me to do so.
People and friends who do not understand or wish to, would tell me things like...........................!!
Do you think I am even bothered to listen for my heart is bleeding in pain?
No problem, smile and say thank you.

I live in hopes of what tomorrow will bring.
Of course, we can only hope and want to wish for the "good" things.
We all know bad things happen, but we generally don't expect them to happen to us.(till it does)
If we really knew the future, I am sure many of us would alter our behaviour profoundly.
Since we don't, however, we simply move along, oblivious to the fact that disaster may happen at any moment.

One of the most profound lessons after all I have been through and still fighting it.
I have been taught that the only guaranteed moment is This One; therefore, if we live our lives expecting a future that may not exist, we may regret our choices forever.

This knowledge have inspire me to want to change the way I interact with my family and with others.
We may choose to treat those we care about with extra attention and sensitivity every moment of the day, or we may plod on about our lives, oblivious to the reality that each moment could be our last-----or theirs.
It only takes a little more effort to listen with our hearts open, to give an extra hug or to say kind words.
A moment given now may prevent a lifetime of regret.

*The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone*

This title/song have a very special meaning to me. I sing this song in times of sadness and happiness.
The lyrics remain the same, only the feeling is different but always with love and I only sing it to one person.
I have chosen this date/day .............for if I have not been at the right station waiting for the right train to come along and get on board.
The love of my life would not have come along.

April 4th.......truly a special day for Keat and I.

Dedicated to the one and only man of my life, Keat.
Thank you for being with me through the good and bad times.
Thank you and thank God for you.........The Wind Beneath My Wings.


KSCheah said...

"One hand clap, no sound" goes the old saying but heaven knows the "sound" we have created together over 21 short years resonates.

I am glad you decided to start a blog because yours is the stuff of champions and not to share your thoughts, personality and experiences would only proof how transient life can be. My Dearest, you inspire life! What better theme could you have chosen for yourself than, "My Spirit Is My Strength"!

My thoughts of you can only be described as I have done so almost exactly 5 years ago, when I wrote you this:

2.30 am, 20th April 2001

The Beautiful You

My Darling, as I look back over the 16 years we have shared and I think of you, a smile comes to my heart. Memory takes me back to that auspicious Thursday which started it all and the times we have shared since; my darling, it has been a wondrous path that I can never imagine walking with anybody else.

It must have been inspired insight that told me I had found a rare unpolished diamond but darling, what is even more important is that you are a diamond and have always been a diamond. My good fortune had been to notice that sparkle which others seemingly have overlooked or simply would not believe…. or maybe I was blessed to be “passing by” when the great upheavals unearthed the gem that was to become my life.

We too have had our share upheavals together and whilst I now can only hope that they have somehow brought us even closer, I shudder to think I have too often risked losing something so precious to me.

The beautiful you my Darling, has always allowed love to soothe and heal open wounds even though some were inflicted in the name of love. It was inevitable that we both had to endure the consequences of insecurities and preconceived notions especially during our first half decade together but we have weathered that storm.

Darling, the beautiful you, has been this past decade of unconditional love you have showered on me although I have often been guilty of judging you too harshly.

The beautiful you my Love, has been your strength in the face of adversity and your unwavering faith in Life. We draw from your strength in silent comfort knowing you will never hesitate to give us your all.

Your generosity has been the hallmark of the beautiful you for so long that many have come to doubt its sincerity while there are those who have come to expect it as a right. And yet there are those who feel threatened by it. For Darling, there are not many who know that your strong sense of loyalty was borne of this generosity.

Yes Darling, my heart smiles when recalling fond memories of you and when I see you now. I am heartened by the way you continue to amaze me as you evolve and grow. I am convinced yours is more than just Light but a Brilliance that grows not only with the each wisdom you acquire but also each shadow you encounter. Darling, the sparkle is real as the diamond is genuine and my Love, you are priceless.

I would like to think that I found you and that is probably all that I can lay claim to. Alas, only diamond can polish a diamond and Darling, I am no diamond.

Ling, I am content to be your partner for I cherish you as the jewel in my crown, the gem of my heart and foremost, the loving Mother to our children. Welcome Home!

I Love You Darling and will always remain, Your Dar

Kamarul Shahrin said...

Who would dare to write any more comments after Cheah had presented his?

Anonymous said...

May gladness wash away every disappointment
may joy dissolve every sorrow
and my love ease every pain.
MAY love ease every pain
May every wound bring wisdom
and every trial bring triumph
and with each passing day
may you live more abundantly than the day before.
May you be blessed
And may others be blessed by you.
This is my heartfelt wish for you.
May you be blessed

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SkyHorse said...

Scrolling down from presence to past of all your soulful voices, I am reading and hearing it with atmost admiration. It is like whispering in the wind, filled with LOVE, LIFE and LIGHT! I'm glad that the destined path is finally crossed at this moment, right now. It must be the breezy wind, it must be the angels bringing us the bonding of this friendship.